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I used to love philosophy and intellectuality, hiding behind wise quotes so that I would impress women, get them to lust after me, and impress men so that I would be accepted. This all derives from low self-esteem of course. I spent a great deal of money and time collecting books – religious, spiritual, high brow and I used anything l could from these to manipulate others, to make them feel that I was essential to them.  Under the spell...

According to Tradition Three, I simply need to stop all my addictive thoughts and behavior in order to be part of this happy clan! However, as I grow in recovery, I feel it is more and more about emotional sobriety as well as sexual sobriety. Time and again, I see sober members settling for sexual abstinence as the end-game. I see them drawn into all kinds of emotional maelstroms by defects of character that are still active: resentment, fear,...

I acted out with pornography, masturbation, prostitution, adultery, promiscuity, sexualizing men, women, children, animals and objects, voyeurism and exhibitionism, romantic fantasy, sexual intrigue, and emotional affairs. And by the grace of God and the program of Sexaholics Anonymous, I haven’t had to do any of that stuff for over 27 years and for that I am incredibly grateful. I actually came into recovery on Dec 10, 1990. I was...

I’m driving. My son is beside me in the passenger seat. 80% of his body is covered in rash. He’s having trouble breathing. He is going into anaphylactic shock and may stop breathing within the hour, unless he gets medical attention. I’m speeding down the road on the way to the hospital with my caution lights flashing. I get a phone call that I ignore. I don’t even look to see who’s calling. No time. I’m not allowed to...

For the last four years I have been serving women who have decided to change their lives with the help of the Twelve Steps. During this time, I started working Steps with more than 30 women. As of today, none of my sponsees have completed all Twelve Steps. But there are several women whose hard work and whose growth in recovery make me believe that the Steps work for them the same way as for me. The Steps create a new free personality, instead...