[From Essay August 2020]
My name is Keith. I am a grateful sexaholic. My SA Sobriety date is 15th July 2012. Thank you for this opportunity to share my indebtedness and gratitude for SA to you all, and my SA family worldwide. “We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not for ourselves.” Alcoholics Anonymous 84
I started 12 Step meetings in another program, but my acting out only progressed as my obsession and addiction to Lust increased. 14 years later, still miserable, still under the spell, the tyranny of Lust, I returned to SA. But I was reluctant. I did not yet have the gift of despair. I was quietly resigned to a life of addiction and to feeling sorry for myself. And now look where I’ve ended up, with you lot!
You know, at the start, I would not shake hands before or after a meeting, and I let members know that too! Maybe I thought I would catch something from you! I did. Thank God.
Over time, I just brought the body as I’d heard to do, and then the mind followed. After acting out again I was minded to ask a fellow friend for help with the steps. By then I was willing to do whatever I had to do to stay sober. I came to believe that it is possible to live free from the obsession of Lust. I completely gave myself over to this simple program and let the withdrawal process take its course, surrendering lust, temptations, thoughts, memories etc. And another miracle happened: the First Step took me – I knew something had happened.
As I stayed sexually sober, the healing began. I began to change by trying to practice the steps and principles, a day at a time in my life. I was encouraged into service. As my sobriety continued, I discovered something new and wonderful: Serenity. I was becoming a new person, lifting my head up, looking the world in the eye, and standing tall, free.
“As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of his presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or hereafter. We were reborn.” Alcoholics Anonymous 63
Today I get access to this flowing Power, by working on myself; the Steps and reaching out to help others. I discovered that recovery is like a lake that needs an inflow and an outflow. The inflow is attending meetings, phone calls, literature & working the steps. The outflow is trying to help, reaching out to others, and service in our fellowship. Too much outflow the lake runs dry, too little and the lake goes stagnant and lifeless. With not enough inflow, the lake becomes shallow.
Today I am grateful for this Fellowship of the Spirit; meetings, many chats over cups of tea, welcomed into members’ homes, conventions, phone calls….. The After Convention Gatherings hold a special place in my heart and are without doubt the happiest and most connected time of my life.
” … we can only wonder what kind of God this is who can not only stand to see it all, but who patiently and mercifully works in us and with us toward turning these dreadful liabilities into song. God is surely for the sexaholic.” Sexaholics Anonymous 119
Just for Today, I am at ease with my disease. Gratitude to me means every moment is a “given moment”, an opportunity to give back.
“I am responsible … When anyone, anywhere reaches out for help, I want the hand of SA to be there. And for that: I am responsible.”
Thank You All.
Keith N., Ireland