Over the years I’ve called my sponsor many times to surrender a woman’s body part or some annoying euphoric recall. He would respond, “David, that’s what we do. We are sexaholics and we are vulnerable to lust. It’s what we do next that matters. The key is surrendering our right to lust to God.” My sobriety and recovery requires accepting that I as a sexaholic will have these experiences. Acceptance opens my way to serenity and inner peace.
In recent years I’ve realized that drifting off the SA path is part of being a sexaholic. I find that I can and will drift off our path. In the broadest terms this means I’ve stopped taking actions which keep me focused on sobriety. A common form of drifting is stopping going to meetings. Stopping contacting my sponsor or other sexaholics is another common form of drifting. No longer “bringing the inside out” as emphasized in our Sexaholics Anonymous “White Book” is also drifting.
Finally, or perhaps most importantly, some version of “I can handle it” takes hold of my brain. These are the four most dangerous words that can come into my mind. They are often artfully disguised. We have examples in our White Book: “It’s her key; I can’t throw that away.” “I’ll get rid of the magazines later.” “It’s too overpowering! No one will know the difference.” (SA 67) The root thought of “I can handle it” is almost always “But you don’t understand – I’m different from you.”
There is nothing wrong with drifting; it’s part of being a sexaholic. There is a lot wrong with choosing to not get back on the SA path. There is also plenty of wrong in keeping drifting a secret, as we will go back to those thoughts or actions. And, once I’m back on the path, I wonder to myself, “Why did I wait so long?”
David M., Oregon USA
