Lust Is the Problem — Harvey A.

[From Essay, March 2010] Now that Roy has passed, it is incumbent on all of us to carry on his primary emphasis on recovery from Lust. Unlike other “S” fellow- ships, where the emphasis is on the powerlessness over acting out, we in SA emphasize our powerlessness over lust. Through Roy’s guidance, our Step One says that “we were powerless over lust and our lives had become unmanageable.” It does not say that we were powerless over sexual acting...

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The Problem and the Solution

The Problem M any of us felt inadequate, unworthy, alone, and afraid. Our insides never matched what we saw on the outsides of others. Early on, we came to feel disconnected—from parents, from peers, from ourselves. We tuned out with fantasy and masturbation. We plugged in by drinking in the pictures, the images, and pursuing the objects of our fantasies. We lusted and wanted to be lusted after. We became true addicts: sex with self,...

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“Give Myself a Chance for Another Day” (Joanna M., Warsaw, Poland)

What was the fellowship like in my early days of recovery? According to what I remember and knew, it was: certainly not ideal! We had no published literature but used pdfs and printouts. We didn’t have SA materials to work on the Steps but used materials from other communities. Multiple years sobriety was something unusual. We were learning to use the Steps and didn’t know much about the mysterious traditions.  There were no women...

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Coming From AA, He Worked the Steps All Over Again in SA (Lawrence M., Virginia, USA)

I came to my first SA meeting in Karlsruhe, Germany, on Sunday, May 26, 1985. I was one of three newcomers at a meeting of 20 men and women. As newcomers we were required to give a brief First Step in the form of answering set questions. Before I came to the meeting, I threw out my pornography. I also threw out phone numbers and addresses of women I knew from other 12-Step fellowships. I stopped acting out sexually. I date my sexual sobriety to...

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The Emphasis of My Recovery Is on My Spiritual Condition (Masoud, Shiraz, Iran)

Masoud: Hello, I’m Masoud, a grateful recovering sexaholic. I have been sober for 17 years and 11 months. I am not a member of any other twelve-step fellowship. I have chosen, for this session, to share my experience of Step 11, how to improve my conscious contact with my Higher Power.  Conscious contact with my Higher Power helps so much to stabilise my recovery, to deepen my recovery. My work, in the context of a Twelve-Step programme, to...

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In SA, He Has Found a Loving God (Harvey A., Florida, USA)

I am Harvey A, a sexaholic from Nashville Tennessee. My sobriety date is March 8, 1984. I can hardly believe that I am now 80 years old and have been sexually sober for more than 36 years. When I began the SA recovery program, I had a full head of hair that had not yet turned gray. At 80, what hair I have is completely gray. My outward appearance has changed over the past 36 years. But it is the change in my inner self that I want to share with...

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Today She Chooses Life and Love (Olga S., Alchevsk, Ukraine)

I am a recovering sex addict from Ukraine, sober since the fall of 2015. My problem is that I am completely unable to cope with the lust that manifests itself in objectification, fantasies, and an unhealthy obsession with one person or a group of people. I have lost control of my thoughts, feelings, and actions. I am now 57 years old, and from a very young age I tried to achieve success in everything I did. The desire to achieve success still...

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These Years Have Been So Much Fun (Sylvia J., Oklahoma, USA)

People would tell me things I wouldn’t hear because I was always off in my head somewhere. My older sister was a very smart person and got good grades, while I didn’t do well with people and in school. My younger sister was very pretty and everybody thought she was adorable. So I felt like I was misunderstood all the time. I discovered when I got older that my problem was that I had ADD, because I would disassociate and not know what...

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Tough Love Changing Lives in Hollywood North

I came into SA in 1987 in Los Angeles.  I attended meetings, went to international conferences, had three sponsors in succession, made as many as four phone calls every day and followed directions from those three sponsors.  I was never sober for the first six years.  People ask what changed.  In 1993 there was a confluence of several factors.  I was broken, I had no job and drove a car that was so battered that people couldn’t agree on what...

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The Melbourne Experience: Strong Meetings Need Committed Members

There is no doubt that if every SA meeting was conducted along the lines as prescribed in our White Book (185-187), our fellowship would have thousands of strong meetings globally and many, many thousands of members with strong recovery. However, the starting point is to ask, what is the purpose of meetings in 12 Step fellowships? I think there are three answers to this question: (1) Not only to get our secrets into the open – but also...

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